September 9th, 2004

Today started out like any other day. I usually wake up, throw some shorts on, a t shirt, brush my teeth, excrete waste, and jump on the computer to play Yahoo! Grafiti or online Candyland or something. Today was no different… instead of Grafiti, I played Bookworm. I rock at that game. Rock it hard too. After that I check my emails… I don’t know why… no one really emails my bitter ass. But it’s nice to know that stamina isn’t everything… size matters too. It’s so nice to know, that I don’t care that I get forty thousand emails a day stating that. Thank you, I appreciate those emails, they confirm my existence…. They complete me.

Anyhoo… I’ve been pondering a dilemma for quite some time. Work or school, money or knowledge??? I’ve hit a fork in the road of life and I don’t know which path to take. Damn, it would be nice to say fuck it all and go out “Eldest Brother” style. If you don’t get the inside joke, don’t worry… it’s not important.

On one hand, you have financial freedom. Making boku bucks, working easy hours, but living far from family and friends. On the other, I’d go to school… I’d be broke as a joke, having to give up everything I own and know… but I’ll be closer to home, and I’d be better set in the future for what I WANT to do.

But does money equal happiness??? I used to think it did. I was proud that I had everything on lock. There were times when I couldn’t pay a bill on time for the life of me. And then I got a good job, had money to do whatever I wanted, to buy whatever I wanted. It was sweet.

So then came a chance to up the ante. The risk was high, but I didn’t care… the thought of more money for less work was just too great for me to resist. So decided to pick up, leave everything and move without the least bit of thought.

Anyhoo, things didn’t work out as I had hoped. I’m now at a point where I don’t think that this job is for me. If I pursue it, I could make tons of money, and have whatever I want.

But like I said… is that what I really want???